1. First things first, I hurt my finger at the gym so I’m putting up with pain to give you my thoughts. Appreciate them. Jokes aside, let’s get back to this shitshow.
2. I heard there is a big announcement that will be made tonight. Maybe it’s that Jesse and Clayton are twins.
3. Thank god for recaps. I think my mind erases everything from this show after I go to sleep.
4. He doesn’t have any chemistry with Mara right? Or is that just my opinion?
5. Mara, you do know that the producers arrange a lot of these dates, right?
6. I wonder what would happen if Sarah dropped the rose in the water?
7. Do all the women usually greet the person when they come back from the one-on-one dates?
8. Mara really thinks this is the Mara show now, doesn’t she?
9. I don’t care about this little feud at all. Mara has no chemistry with him, and I just don’t see it working out for Sarah.
10. 6th rose ceremony, and I feel like it’s only the third. God, the drama has taken over everything.
11. No cocktail party I bet.
12. Eliza is from Germany? Right, she was the bratwurst girl the first night. Funny how we know nothing about her.
13. I guess there is a cocktail party. Add that to the list of things I’m wrong about.
14. I think Clayton really is into Serene. Whether she is as invested is still in the air.
15. Okay, I’m clearly on the wrong track today. I blame the injured finger.
16. I’m so glad Clayton knows love starts with the letter L.
17. Teddi needs constant validation, and I feel like this is the wrong show for her.
18. Clayton jinxed it.
19. Mara’s dress gives me Disney villain vibes.
20. Not the women literally sitting on the floor to eavesdrop. Same though.
21. Mara, are you her mom? Because you’re acting like your trying to discipline your child.
22. There are nine women, and you still haven’t talked to Clayton? That’s on you.
23. Mara, you can’t tell if someone is ready for marriage. Only they can. Girl needs to chill.
24. So, we’re losing two women. My guess: Eliza and Mara since they haven’t gotten one-on-ones.
25. Serene reminds me so much of Michelle. If Jesse and Clayton are twins, so are Michelle and Serene.
26. My mom: Jesse just gets paid thousands of dollars to come out and say, “final rose.”
27. Okay, my guesses are now 50% correct.
28. Eliza, we hardly knew you.
29. Mara, bye bitch.
30. Sarah will be the next one to leave.
31. Side note: I’m excited for Big Sky to come back.
32. Glad they just threw us into Vienna with no warning. I thought this was a commercial for that new show, The Courtship.
33. Can I go on the Bachelor just for the trips?
34. I wonder who thought they said Australia, and not Austria. I’m sure at least one of the women did.
35. Susie, or as I refer to her, the love child of Hannah Brown and Debbie Ryan.
36. Oh, Clayton being a big boy and not calling it the L word.
37. Is this the obligatory shopping date?
38. Those retail workers do not get paid enough to sit there and watch them makeout.
39. I would not be able to try on these dresses. I’m too small. I would immediately trip and be removing those feathers from my mouth.
40. Why … why is Susie crying?
41. I feel giddy too, might be the alcohol.
42. Of course, Susie has to carry all the bags in and show them off.
43. Oh, Gabby is pissed. She wanted that date.
44. NOT THE GUY BRINGING IN THE RED DRESS RANDOMLY
45. I can’t. I hope that guy got a huge tip for that.
46. Again, that train on that dress would kill me.
47. That dress barely fits in the back seat.
48. SHE SAYS LIKE SO MUCH
49. Susie, stop pretending that Clayton actually bought all that. The producers paid for it all.
50. Clayton says like a lot more around her too. Must be contagious.
51. Honestly, how awkward is it to serenade a couple who just make out?
52. Poor Geneiveve, no one-on-one at all. Serene gets the date.
53. I sense one of these dates won’t end with a rose.
54. So, we going full Freud now?
55. This isn’t really couples therapy though.
56. Oh, so it is couples therapy. Damn, I’m batting crap.
57. The woman says Gabby needs a stable relationship. My mom: she won’t get that by moving to Missouri.
58. If someone doesn’t like showing their emotions, maybe making them do so on TV in a therapist setting won’t help.
59. So, why aren’t we getting to see Clayton get grilled too?
60. It’s not you, it’s me. Triggered.
61. Congrats therapist lady. You are about to break up one relationship.
62. Everyone should feel nervous at suddenly having therapy thrust upon them.
63. Dude, you called her a liar and an actress earlier this season. Of course she has walls up against you.
64. Clayton, I have walls up against you and I’ve never met you.
65. Anyone would be lucky to end up with a saltine like him.
66. Work on yourself, Geniveve. You deserve the world.
67. This therapist is hoping to go two for two.
68. How much will it cost to ban the word “like”?
69. NOT THE STATUE OF FREUD
70. I don’t think anyone has ever said they love therapy.
71. Sarah really went in and thanked her.
72. Oh, I do like the therapist’s tattoo though.
73. Will she give Clayton her opinions on the women?
74. SHE IS REALLY CALLING SOMEONE OUT IN FRONT OF THEM ALL
75. I find it so funny that the therapist didn’t tell Clayton who she was talking about.
76. So, first it was because Sarah was too young, and then she was too confident. I feel like I missed something.
77. Woah, Clayton actually believing the majority of the women for once.
78. YET YOU BELIEVED SHANAE FOR HOW LONG?
79. So, that’s two down. Who else won’t make it to hometowns?
80. So, Clayton clearly really wanted to head to fantasy suites with Shanae, huh?
81. So, I did call it. No group date rose.
82. So, this stuff was going on for weeks, but the producers focused on Shanae. Maybe she and Sarah had a feud. Maybe they wore roller skates. We will never know.
83. Oh, the second love comment now.
84. Is this the same castle Susie went to?
85. Is it just me, or are there usually always two roses at the rose ceremony at this point? Someone is always sent home beforehand.
86. Clayton “Thank you for sharing” Echard.
87. Teddi needed way too much validation. Actually, they all do. Clayton, what you doing boy?
88. Susie can pull off the outfit, Clayton can’t.
89. So, what was the announcement?

Stay tuned for next week’s review of hometowns and the absolute roasting of Clayton by the parents.