1. Dad: “Dusty is retiring.” Mom: “Well now everyone will be clean.”
2. Mom: “Can you just stab me in the knee so I can have my knee surgery sooner?”
3. Mom: “I’m going to go read.” Me: “Have a good nap.”
4. Mom: “You can’t say we never do anything as a family.” (Said on the way for us all to get tested for covid)
5. Dad: “You have to be a good actor to be an asshole.”
6. Me in a hostage situation: “I’d like some mac and cheese.” Mom: “You’d ask for eggplant.”
7. A friend’s response to a very strange job application that required answering some test like questions. “WTF is this SAT test?”
8. After my niece observed my dog biting a toy, she decided to come bit my knee. Mom: “She was raised by wolves.”

If you have any funny quotes you heard this week, leave a comment below.